Dramatis Personae
- Finn. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher of the Good Word of the Great and Powerful Physics. Subterranean lifeguard extraordinaire. Body-slammed an armoire.
- Astia. D.W.A.R.F. Decapolitan Biomancer Ambassador of the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. One more step and he'll be farther from home than he's ever been before.
- Marcy. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Black Gold Industrialist. Budding cat coffee dealer, amateur camel matchmaker, furniture fight emcee.
- Gelato. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant Were-swan. Canonically still only wearing a labcoat with the front unbuttoned.
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| Probably my single favorite drawing in the entire UVG |
A few days out from their destination, the party got caught in a nasty static storm kicking up radioactive dust. The resulting dry cough made restful sleep hard to come by, which compounded with the nettle burns from the Porcelain Citadel to make quite the uncomfortable experience. They arrived at the Last Serai Inspector's Outpost in poor shape, where they met Georg. Having no trade goods for the half-elf to inspect, Astia asked Georg if he knew of any biomancers at the Last Serai. Georg consulted a dusty old tome and, upon confirming that biomancy was not illegal, "only frowned upon," regretfully informed the fleshcrafter that he knew of no biomancers within the serais. Astia took umbrage at the slight, but Georg said it was legal for him to discriminate against the practice despite holding public office because it wasn't a religion. Astia convinced him to have a chat over drinks and the inspector agreed, suggesting The Giving Cow, a milk bar in The Last Trading House.
After stabling their caravan, our heroes sought lodging at The Last Trading Hostel and were being shown to their room when a scream rang out. Investigating, they found a young boy crying next to a skeleton that appeared to have fallen out of a cupboard. A rosy, flesh-colored vine entangled the skeleton, its tendrils penetrating to the marrow; they opened the cupboard's other drawer to find another skeleton similarly envined. Finn, recognizing these slug-like meat-vines as being both plants and alive, spoke to them using his unique phytomancy skills. In exchange for their lives (Finn promised nutrient-rich soil) the vines confirmed that they supped on the flesh and marrow of these victims, admitting they were "brought to be" by "the mind-burned thief." Supping on things seemed like their whole deal. No one liked it. The little housekeeping boy made a rude comment about pitbulls so Finn chucked him back into the cupboard with the skeletons and vines to teach him a lesson. He emerged thoroughly traumatized and shouted to his boss he was taking a smoke break.
The lady at the hostel's front desk discounted their room (on account of the corpses) but offered to comp their entire stay should they solve the mystery of the former guests' murder. Mysterious, unsolved deaths are bad for business.
Serai Shenanigans
Wandering about The Last Trading House, Marcy found one empty room with graffiti on the walls and another with padded walls and doors leading to ever smaller padded rooms like some kind of bizarre architectural matryoksha doll before bumping into Georg again. She sold him some cat coffee, but peaced out when he started wondering aloud about its legality. Asking around, she finally got a lead on the whereabouts of Pooki, the Cat Lord to whom she'd been referred all those weeks ago back in the Violet City: she lived above the milk bar (cat's gonna cat).
Everyone regrouped to find Astia and Gelato at the Giving Cow, the latter still retching after losing his lunch drinking a glass of explicitly labeled radioactive milk. Astia, meanwhile, talked shop with RAW SEWAGE, the establishment's D.W.A.R.F. bartender (they pegged one another for biomancers on sight). Asking for leads about the skull he found in Jonky Bonko's locker, RAW SEWAGE told Astia to stay in the bar after close. Finn then took the quite ill Gelato back to their hostel while Astia and Marcy went to go find Pooki.
The Dangerous Ballad
Our heroes arrived at Pooki's office to find the door ajar and the Cat Lord in a seemingly heated discussion with a buncha gruff looking dudes wearing purple bowling shirts. After the guy doing the talking slammed his hand down on Pooki's desk, the lot of 'em stormed out, pushing past Marcy and Astia without paying enough heed to potentially identify them. The duo entered and met their fluffy-haired liaison, fur white as the ghost ash of the Death-Facing Passage but with piercing gold eyes. She had been riled up by her previous encounter, but her mood lifted when they named Galavar the Green Mage as he who had sent them. It just so happened that he was an old friend and she owed him a big favor... so they asked her to refine their ruby golem heart into an autogolem battery and she agreed. It would take a few weeks, but she would only charge them for labor: $400. A pittance! Pleased with the exchange, they headed back down to the Giving Cow to hang out until closing time.
When they arrived, however, they found the gruff four from before engaging in some kind of machismo-based betting "game." Having read the flyer these goons had left with Pooki, the party identified them as the mercs hired to hunt them down by a mysterious Cat Lord in the Violet City named Uda. The flyer featured detailed descriptions of Limon, Gelato, Marceline, Dulce, Noble, Orphan, and Lancer as well as their caravan, targeting specifically the small-headed rhinobuffalo. Marcy used her light manipulation abilities to disguise herself as her alter-ego Greta and Gelato as Ernest Borgnine, and the group entered to confront their pursuers... with subterfuge.
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| Gelato: more than meets the eye |
After a bit of tough-guy showboating, the members of The Dangerous Ballad introduced themselves: Clifford, Burg, and Stephan were lead by Ripley the Shark. Astia played toxic-milk chicken with them for a while to get in good with them, trying to throw them off the trail by providing them with a (technically, mostly true) "rumor" that their prey could change their appearance at will. Another violently ill toxic-milk-drinker vomiting had RAW SEWAGE questioning why he even sold the stuff. Astia met up with Georg and they became friends, with Georg promising to be more tolerant and open-minded in the future.
Eventually things quieted down and the bar emptied out in time to close at midnight. It was then that the bartender beckoned to be joined in the back room.
We Have the Meats
A horrific, corpulent, multi-uddered flesh abomination hooked up to a sputtering machine via suction cups and a series of filthy tubes, RAW SEWAGE revealed, covered a secret trapdoor. Pushing the unspeakable throbbing sack of flesh, fat, and glands aside long enough to provide access, RAW SEWAGE lead our heroes deep down a ladder through a drycoral-porcelain tunnel below the bar. When they reached the bottom, they found themselves in a corridor facing a heavy vault door. Their guide approached to utter a secret passphrase and granted them access to The Buried Delicatessen.
Therein they met Anise the Star, perhaps the Decapolis' most (in?)famous biomancer. Astia produced the Skull of Rot after a quick introduction and Anise positively lit up, wry smile spreading slowly across his meticulously designed and sculpted facial features.
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