[UVG] Session 6 – How to Make Friends in Alien Places

All illustrations are by Luka Rejec for The Ultraviolet Grasslands.

Dramatis Personae

• Finn. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher of the Good Word of the Great and Powerful Physics. Subterranean lifeguard extraordinaire. Body-slammed an armoire.
• Astia. D.W.A.R.F. Decapolitan Biomancer Ambassador of the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. One more step and he'll be farther from home than he's ever been before.
• Marcy. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Black Gold Industrialist. Budding cat coffee dealer, amateur camel matchmaker, furniture fight emcee.
• Gelato. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant Were-swan. Canonically still only wearing a labcoat with the front unbuttoned.

Probably my single favorite drawing in the entire UVG

A few days out from their destination, the party got caught in a nasty static storm kicking up radioactive dust. The resulting dry cough made restful sleep hard to come by, which compounded with the nettle burns from the Porcelain Citadel to make quite the uncomfortable experience. They arrived at the Last Serai Inspector's Outpost in poor shape, where they met Georg. Having no trade goods for the half-elf to inspect, Astia asked Georg if he knew of any biomancers at the Last Serai. Georg consulted a dusty old tome and, upon confirming that biomancy was not illegal, "only frowned upon," regretfully informed the fleshcrafter that he knew of no biomancers within the serais. Astia took umbrage at the slight, but Georg said it was legal for him to discriminate against the practice despite holding public office because it wasn't a religion. Astia convinced him to have a chat over drinks and the inspector agreed, suggesting The Giving Cow, a milk bar in The Last Trading House.

After stabling their caravan, our heroes sought lodging at The Last Trading Hostel and were being shown to their room when a scream rang out. Investigating, they found a young boy crying next to a skeleton that appeared to have fallen out of a cupboard. A rosy, flesh-colored vine entangled the skeleton, its tendrils penetrating to the marrow; they opened the cupboard's other drawer to find another skeleton similarly envined. Finn, recognizing these slug-like meat-vines as being both plants and alive, spoke to them using his unique phytomancy skills. In exchange for their lives (Finn promised nutrient-rich soil) the vines confirmed that they supped on the flesh and marrow of these victims, admitting they were "brought to be" by "the mind-burned thief." Supping on things seemed like their whole deal. No one liked it. The little housekeeping boy made a rude comment about pitbulls so Finn chucked him back into the cupboard with the skeletons and vines to teach him a lesson. He emerged thoroughly traumatized and shouted to his boss he was taking a smoke break.

The lady at the hostel's front desk discounted their room (on account of the corpses) but offered to comp their entire stay should they solve the mystery of the former guests' murder. Mysterious, unsolved deaths are bad for business.

Serai Shenanigans

Wandering about The Last Trading House, Marcy found one empty room with graffiti on the walls and another with padded walls and doors leading to ever smaller padded rooms like some kind of bizarre architectural matryoksha doll before bumping into Georg again. She sold him some cat coffee, but peaced out when he started wondering aloud about its legality. Asking around, she finally got a lead on the whereabouts of Pooki, the Cat Lord to whom she'd been referred all those weeks ago back in the Violet City: she lived above the milk bar (cat's gonna cat).

Everyone regrouped to find Astia and Gelato at the Giving Cow, the latter still retching after losing his lunch drinking a glass of explicitly labeled radioactive milk. Astia, meanwhile, talked shop with RAW SEWAGE, the establishment's D.W.A.R.F. bartender (they pegged one another for biomancers on sight). Asking for leads about the skull he found in Jonky Bonko's locker, RAW SEWAGE told Astia to stay in the bar after close. Finn then took the quite ill Gelato back to their hostel while Astia and Marcy went to go find Pooki.

The Dangerous Ballad

Our heroes arrived at Pooki's office to find the door ajar and the Cat Lord in a seemingly heated discussion with a buncha gruff looking dudes wearing purple bowling shirts. After the guy doing the talking slammed his hand down on Pooki's desk, the lot of 'em stormed out, pushing past Marcy and Astia without paying enough heed to potentially identify them. The duo entered and met their fluffy-haired liaison, fur white as the ghost ash of the Death-Facing Passage but with piercing gold eyes. She had been riled up by her previous encounter, but her mood lifted when they named Galavar the Green Mage as he who had sent them. It just so happened that he was an old friend and she owed him a big favor... so they asked her to refine their ruby golem heart into an autogolem battery and she agreed. It would take a few weeks, but she would only charge them for labor: $400. A pittance! Pleased with the exchange, they headed back down to the Giving Cow to hang out until closing time.

When they arrived, however, they found the gruff four from before engaging in some kind of machismo-based betting "game." Having read the flyer these goons had left with Pooki, the party identified them as the mercs hired to hunt them down by a mysterious Cat Lord in the Violet City named Uda. The flyer featured detailed descriptions of Limon, Gelato, Marceline, Dulce, Noble, Orphan, and Lancer as well as their caravan, targeting specifically the small-headed rhinobuffalo. Marcy used her light manipulation abilities to disguise herself as her alter-ego Greta and Gelato as Ernest Borgnine, and the group entered to confront their pursuers... with subterfuge.

Gelato: more than meets the eye

After a bit of tough-guy showboating, the members of The Dangerous Ballad introduced themselves: Clifford, Burg, and Stephan were lead by Ripley the Shark. Astia played toxic-milk chicken with them for a while to get in good with them, trying to throw them off the trail by providing them with a (technically, mostly true) "rumor" that their prey could change their appearance at will. Another violently ill toxic-milk-drinker vomiting had RAW SEWAGE questioning why he even sold the stuff. Astia met up with Georg and they became friends, with Georg promising to be more tolerant and open-minded in the future. 

Eventually things quieted down and the bar emptied out in time to close at midnight. It was then that the bartender beckoned to be joined in the back room.

We Have the Meats

A horrific, corpulent, multi-uddered flesh abomination hooked up to a sputtering machine via suction cups and a series of filthy tubes, RAW SEWAGE revealed, covered a secret trapdoor. Pushing the unspeakable throbbing sack of flesh, fat, and glands aside long enough to provide access, RAW SEWAGE lead our heroes deep down a ladder through a drycoral-porcelain tunnel below the bar. When they reached the bottom, they found themselves in a corridor facing a heavy vault door. Their guide approached to utter a secret passphrase and granted them access to The Buried Delicatessen. 

Therein they met Anise the Star, perhaps the Decapolis' most (in?)famous biomancer. Astia produced the Skull of Rot after a quick introduction and Anise positively lit up, wry smile spreading slowly across his meticulously designed and sculpted facial features. 

[UVG] Session 5 – Jonky Bonko is Dead, Long Live Jonky Bonko!

Dramatis Personae

• Marcy. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Dipping her toes into camel matchmaking.
• Astia. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. Arms and legs like twigs.
• Finn. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher of the Good Word of the Great and Powerful Physics. Member of the Teen Squad.
• Limon. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Bound in servitude to a demigod Bonsai Turtle named Glum. Owner of a strikingly wide-brimmed pale green wizard hat.

In the Aftermath of the Furniture Fight

Everyone stood staring in stunned silence at the Unsettled Waters. Frightened and shocked onlookers scurried back off to their various hovels in the town proper while the last burbles of what once was Jonky Bonko rose to the surface of the lake and vanished. One audience member lamented aloud the strict laws set by the tyrannical Porcelain Princes—if only furniture fighting hadn't been illegal they wouldn't have had to hold the fights in such hazardous places! He left for Your Life Burns Faster in This House. 

The party were approached by Ipa, Jonky's adolescent Rainbowlander manager. On the verge of a breakdown having lost her livelihood, she perked up at Limon's mention of his play-fighting days in the Yellowlands (assisted by Marcy's hype-man act). You see, Ipa had already promised to provide a fighter for some upcoming furniture fights, but with Jonky presumably eaten by a gigantic octopus she was going to owe some dangerous people some cash. The party decided to help out in the way they knew best: throw a charity furniture fight in Jonky Bonko's memory. And thus, the First Annual Jonky Bonko Memorial Furniture Fight was born. They had a week to plan this event and find a suitable piece of furniture to fight. Our heroes stole over to the late Mr. Bonko's house in the middle of the night to raid his locker and acquire a sofa for Limon to fight as the main event.

Chez Bonko

Peering into the window of the hovel to which Ipa had given them directions, they saw three women sleeping on a sofa next to a standing locker. Deciding honesty was the best policy, Marcy and Astia knocked on the front door which was met with expectant calls of Jonky Bonko's name. When the front door opened, no words were needed; the girlfriends knew that Jonky had died. Mary Mince swooned while Berdonante asked Marcy and Astia about the fight. Eventually the rest of Jonky's (former) girlfriends awoke and came into the common room to meet the party. In total there was Berdonante, Mary Mince, Fache, Egaree, Cruse, Larmoyante, Plure, Epuise, Aveguele, Priere, and Angoisse. Jonko's prior polycule was dismayed but unsurprised to hear word of his death; they knew the risks of furniture fighting, and who was to blame for those risks. Damn the Porcelain Princes!

The mood lightened when our heroes made mention of the First Annual Jonky Bonko Memorial Furniture Fight. Everyone agreed it was a good idea, and the girlfriends even donated their own sofa for Limon to fight. Rooting through Jonky's old locker, Marcy found some particularly curious items: a chitin shield with biomechanical snakes interwoven, a skull with runes inscribed (which Astia identified as curses of his god Rot), and a highly illegal long-gun that fires bursts of radiation. How Jonky Bonko came about such items, who can tell? The life of a furniture fighter seems anything but dull.

Triumphantly, the party dragged off Jonky Bonko's girlfriends' couch into the night.

The Week Before the Event

Camel Speed-Dating Round Two

Turns out the second time's the charm because only an hour or so into their next round of speed-dating, Marcy's magnificent camel locked eyes with one of Zora's low-born regular camels and it was camel love at first sight. Sparks flew and not even Zora could deny it, so a deal was a deal: Zora unwittingly traded Marcy's ill-gotten small-headed rhinobuffalo for a regular camel and $400. Before their time together was up, the Spectrum Satrap confessed to Marcy that she had originally planned on selling her out but now considered her a friend. 

Your Life Burns Faster in this House

Everyone spent the week hanging out at the revolutionary house in order hoping to get permission to hold their big furniture fight in its back yard. Getting to know the guy who "runs" the house, Syruss Sensible, and greasing the wheel to the tune of $100 each got them two things: permission, and a radical new fashion sense. During their time at the house, they heard increasingly intense anti-Porcelain Prince propaganda in the form of daily speeches delivered by Syruss, and Marceline continued to smell magic coming from behind the false wall in the "dungeon" below. Syruss tried to convince the party to hold the furniture fight on Porcelain Prince territory as a show of defiance, but they were having none of that.

The First Annual Jonky Bonko Memorial Furniture Fight

It had finally arrived: the night of the fight! A week of hyping up the event between Marcy, Ipa, and The Girlfriends had drawn a decent crowd, and they were ready for some carnage. Astia convinced the crowd that an armoire had killed Jonky Bonko, and this very armoire was to fight Finn (under a pseudonym, of course) as a grudge match. With the crowd sufficiently hyped, the event was underway.

Finn cleverly used Forcebending magic to make the armoire weightless, pulling off an impressive series of stunts while keeping the fight from being too one-sided. The crowd wasn't going to believe that the armoire what killed Jonky Bonko would be taken down easily by some no-name furniture fighter, and Finn sold it beautifully. After trading blows for a few minutes, the armoire pinned Finn in a surprising reversal; he was down for the count. Jonky would not be avenged just yet!

Up next was the main event: Limon was going to fight a sofa by himself. Most people had heard of 3-on-sofa or even 2-on-sofa fights, but no one had seen a teenage boy fight a sofa alone before. Cash ran rampant between betters and bookies while M.C. Marceline readied the crowd and introduced Limon. They had dressed the sofa up in a porcelain mask to increase the crowd's ire; it worked swimmingly, but Marcy had another trick up her sleeve. Tapping into more arcane power than she had ever previously harnessed, she gave the couch a gnashing, toothy, illusory maw, making it look much more evil than before. The spell got out of control, however, and she was mutated, gaining a larger maw herself. Nevertheless, the show must go on!

Limon whipped off his poncho and wide-brimmed wizard hat to reveal his "play-fighting" outfit: a spandex speedo. He rushed over to the couch and began wrestling with it. An overeager attempt at an early pin tweaked his shoulder, but he fought through the pain. In an amazing display of raw strength, Limon got low, got his hands under the couch, and lifted. His arms wobbled for a moment and he nearly dropped the sofa—the crowd gasped, some looked away—but digging into his deepest reserves for a boost of strength he hoisted the entire rabid couch high above his head. The onlookers went full tilt riot posse wild. Limon slammed the sofa down, driving it back towards the hard earth. Marceline tossed him his dagger-axe and he finished the job to uproarious applause.

Wow, This Actually Worked?

Yep. Marcy made a Spectrum Satrap friend, Astia found an important artifact of his revolting god, and Finn and Limon fought furniture convincingly enough to raise money for Ipa to pay her debts and Jonky's polycule to be taken care of. The event ended with The Girlfriends helping our heroes carry that armoire over to a nearby defense pillar and throw it into range of its death-ray laser, exploding into a delightful pyromantic display. Everyone partied at the faster life burning house for the rest of the night, deciding to set off towards the Last Serai in the morning.

[UVG] Session 4 – Of Porcelain and (Sweet) Princes

All illustrations are by Luka Rejec forThe Ultraviolet Grasslands.

Dramatis Personae

• Finn Skyshambler. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher of the Good Word of the Great and Powerful Physics. His silvered bracelet signifies his membership in the Teen Squad.
• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Her Teen Squad bracelet is uniquely socketed with a chrysoprase gemstone.
• Dulce. Mononymous Gentlemanly Bourgeois Botanist Dwarf from the RLD. All his hair fell out, but he's glued it back on while waiting for it to grow back.
• Astia Rudeni. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. Arms and legs like twigs.
• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Bound in servitude to a demigod Bonsai Turtle named Glum. Owner of a strikingly wide-brimmed pale green wizard hat. Hasn't taken a single point of damage yet this campaign.

The trip west from [REDACTED] did not treat our heroes kindly. Fiberglass thermo-nettles plagued the path (just that time of year, I guess!) and most ended up with serious burns. Marcy managed to avoid the worst of it.

Vome Hunter Golem with adult Spectrum Satrap for reference

A day out from their destination, The Porcelain Citadel, a group of three hulking white humanoid golems caught sight of the party and approached. Dulce identified them as Vome Hunter golems, so no one in the party had anything to worry about... unless the golems' scanners malfunctioned. Finn used his phytomancer skills to ask the nettles for help, who happily obliged, entangling two of the golems. The third approached and scanned everyone in the group save for Astia who flew above with his butterfly wings.

Satisfied that no one in the party was secretly a vome in disguise, the sole remaining hunter golem ambled back to its nettle-bound companions. It would not be long before the crew spotted the citadel, throwing the horns over on the horizon.

YOUR LIFE BURNS FASTER IN THIS HOUSE

The first sight they saw when passing into the territory of the Porcelain Citadel was a ramshackle hut with "YOUR LIFE BURNS FASTER IN THIS HOUSE" spray-painted in a variety of offset colors on its facade. A man in a white seersucker suit smoking a cigarette sat on the porch and hailed the party with a bunch of incoherent new age adjacent hippie dippy nonsense. Dulce did not trust this man, but everyone else was lured into the house by its colorful lights and window-rattlingly loud music.

While Dulce's suspicion grew, Marcy smelled magic coming from the basement and spotted a bouncer standing in front of a door leading downward. The bouncer told her she needed a consenting partner to go downstairs, so she grabbed Limon and they descended into what turned out to be a sex dungeon. Astia refused to find a partner, insisting he should be allowed into the sex dungeon by himself, so the bouncer refused him entry and called him a creep. In the sex dungeon, Marceline traced the source of magic to a room hidden behind a back wall, but decided to hold off on investigating so as to not get on the house patron's bad side... for now.

The Ballad of Jonky Bonko

The party was approached by a short, lean man wearing gaudy, mismatched, fake jewelry as they reconvened on the porch of the house where your life burns faster while in it. He introduced himself as Jonky Bonko, furniture fighter and tour guide extraordinaire, and offered to show them around town for $20. When everyone declined, he instead offered to tell them something "useful" for $100, or something "interesting" for $50. Dulce talked that $50 down to $30 and some cat coffee, and Jonky informed everyone that some mercs were looking for information on a group of people traveling with a small-headed rhinobuffalo (just like the party's!) only a few days ago. He tossed in that their uniforms implied they were on the payroll of a Cat Lord from the Violet City, but no one asked which one.

Happy with his payday, Jonky invited everyone to come see a furniture fight of his; midnight at the Onion Dam by the Unsettled Waters. Limon and Finn had lost interest a long time ago and wandered into the settlement proper, so Dulce and the Hexads looked for a spot to hide the rhinobuffalo while everyone decided how to approach the "being hunted" situation.

Limon and Finn Versus Royalty

Approaching the Citadel itself—a colossal sign of the horns made of flawless, unmarked porcelain—Limon and Finn were met on the steps by a cluster of seven identically dressed men and women wearing matching porcelain masks. They introduced themselves as Sherd 7-extension, a Porcelain Prince, and asked what business the lowly monobodies had at the Citadel. 

When Finn and Limon were unable to provide a satisfactory answer, Sherd 7-extension ordered them to leave under vague threat of enslavement. Shaken but unstirred, the teens left the Citadel to seek work elsewhere.

Marcy and Astia Are Royalty

Meanwhile, Marceline and Astia traveled past the Vavilov Velvet Orchards and spotted a curious sight indeed. A 100-person polybody wearing military uniforms and identical gargoyle masks running drills in the fields nearby. The Porcelain Prince Clayfire 100-company recognized Astia from a prior ambassadorial meeting and halted their exercises to greet him. Marceline had used her light-bending abilities to disguise herself as an older woman who she introduced to Clayfire 100-company as simply "Greta."

While catching up with the Porcelain Prince, Astia and Marcy noticed something odd. While mostly speaking and acting in perfect unison, some of their bodies seemed to "de-sync" either saying something similar but not identical to the rest, or falling behind a few milliseconds. Strange behavior!

Astia mentioned to Clayfire 100-company that he was planning on spending time at Your Life Burns Faster In This House during their stay at the Porcelain Citadel, to which the Prince fiercely balked. Clayfire 100-company explained that that house was full of revolutionaries and thus were not to be trusted; they instead extended full hospitality to the Bluelander Ambassador. The Prince then polity excused their selves, as they needed to return to drills. Physical fitness and mental acuity are of the utmost importance!

Camel Speed-dating

Everyone reconvened at the rhinobuffalo hiding place to find Dulce, Noble, and Orphan laughing at Lancer's newest trick: dropping his trousers and hanging his bare ass over the Still Waters lake and getting his butt bit by an Electric Steppe Eel. The group decided that their best course of action was to launder their bioengineered burdenbeast at the Two Serais market and headed that way.

Imagine this but with a bunch of tubes coming out of it and probably some spikes too

At the market, Dulce's eyes grew large as dinner plates at the beautiful sight of oldtech Vechs being loaded, unloaded, and in some cases straight up displayed like at an auto show. He headed over to a big ol' biomechanical Lincoln Continental and talked shop with its owner, a mechanic by the name of Lazaro Romero. While this happened, Marcy began negotiating with Zora Namelost-67, a Spectrum Satrap burdenbeast merchant specializing in camel placement.

Negotiations began heated as someone questioned Zora's last name, a practice which she both hates and experiences often. After smoothing things over, Marceline initially hoped to sell their small-headed rhinobuffalo for above its Kelly Blue Book value, but Zora talked her down. Ultimately, they came to a conclusion: she would trade in the rhinobuffalo for a normal camel and $400 IF they could find a camel that wouldn't be intimidated or depressed by the party's Magnificent Velblod camel. Zora needed to see sparks fly; these camels needed to like each other, otherwise no deal. If no sparks flew, she would simply trade the rhinobuffalo for a different burdenbeast of similar or equal value. Marceline and Zora headed over to her camel pens to begin introducing Darius (the magnificent camel) to her hundreds of camels, hoping to see sparks fly.

Scarcely halfway through Zora's camel harem with no sparks yet, the day grew late and both parties decided to retire for the evening and continue in the morning. Having developed a rapport with Marceline, Zora extended an invitation to stay with her in the Serai if she didn't have a place to crash for the night.

Tragedy at the Furniture Fight

Excited to catch a good old fashioned furniture fight, the group took Jonky Bonko up on his offer and met at the Onion Dam at midnight. Watchers gathered little by little as time went on until, by the light of the moon, the undercard matches began. Ottomans were smashed, a wardrobe pinned a rainbowlander into submission, and then it was time for the main event. Jonky Bonko took on a dinette set in a series of brutal rounds of no-holds-barred combat.

After seeming to gain the upper hand over the matching table and chairs, Jonky was suddenly and dramatically driven backwards out of the ring entirely! The fight took him precariously to the Onion Dam bridge itself... where a gargantuan Stone Octopus tentacle emerged from the Unsettled Waters, smashing the dinette set and wrapping itself around Jonky Bonko. Before he could even cry out for help, the singular tentacle pulled him into the waters. Most onlookers fled through the night back into tower, but those who stayed saw the last trace of Jonky's existence: 27 dollars floated up to the surface of the murky lake.

[UVG] Session 3 – Danger at the Spring of the Yellow Water

Dramatis Personae: Teen Squad

• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Teenage girl formerly impersonating her father.
• Finn Skyshambler. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher of the Good Word of the Great and Powerful Physics. Keeps a small but vicious dog named Jake in his backpack.
• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Bound in servitude to a demigod Bonsai Turtle named Glum. Owner of a strikingly wide-brimmed pale green wizard hat.

Family Reunion

As Limon slept, he dreamt of a turtle. Rather, images (dreams?) hazily fading in and out from the week-long bender that brought everyone to the grasslands. In these dreams, his bonzai tree growing from the back of a turtle shell spoke to him. It told him to bury it in the Black City at the End of Time, that there would be a tavern... that he would know when he got there. Doing so would resolve their pact, though Glum is long lived and in no rush. He awoke in his homeland.

Limon saw his folks for the first time in years. A prolific drought spurred him to leave the steppes as a tween (he ended up in the Yellowlands making a living as a showfighter, but that's a story for a different time). After catching up with his parents, brothers, and sister, Limon agreed to tag along on the pilgrimage with the rest of the crew.

Her Limeyness's Yellow Spring

Quite familiar with trips to the Spring of the Yellow Water, the Fields wasted no time jumping from their favorite spots in its occluding ravine into the restorative waters. The rest of the pilgrims began reciting prayers and sunbathing on the shores while Finn prepared to participate in a diving contest and Marcy helped Layma with the tents. Plunged into the depths of the spring, Limon saw a school of translucent fish with bioluminescent skeletons swim around and past him. Come noon, it was time to dive.

Every time the Fields visited the Spring of the Yellow Water, they would hold a contest to see who could dive deep enough to retrieve a phosphorescent crystal growing in the riverbed. The winner was to go home with a crisp new $20 bill! But when Limon's oldest younger brother Lombo dove for the gold, he did not come back up. In a panic, Limon, Leemon, and Finn dove down to find him, Limon frustratingly unable to make it deep enough to help.

At the bottom of this spring, near where the crystal grew, an undercurrent pulled hapless divers into a subterranean tunnel. Leemon and Finn entered this tunnel assuming Lombo had been pulled in. Its jagged edges and protrusions slashed at them, bloodying the water but causing no lasting damage due to the spring's restorative properties. A couple hundred feet into this tunnel, they found themselves in an air pocket with Lombo clinging to a stalactite. Leemon stayed with his sun while Finn climbed back to the surface for help (and grabbing a crystal along the way). For the first time, Finn seemed thankful for his fingernails having been turned to metal in Ynn.

Acting swiftly, Marcy and Finn dove back down with a length of rope to tether the fields to their expert cave climber. Marcy used the phosphorescent crystal to provide light, and after a harrowing three trips to and from the air pocket, the Field family was reunited and intact. Shaken but relieved to see her loved ones back safely, Layma proposed a way to repay Finn and Marceline for their bravery. With Limon's blessing, Leemon agreed.

[REDACTED]

[The exploits of the Teen Squad as recompense for their prior heroics has been redacted to protect the sacred holy secrets of the Steppelanders.]

[UVG] Session 2 – The Low Road and the ""High""

Dramatis Personae

• Gelato "O.G." Kush. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant Were-swan. Canonically still only wearing a labcoat with the front unbuttoned.
• Astia Rudeni. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. Arms and legs like twigs.
• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Teenage girl formerly impersonating her father.
• Dulce. Mononymous Gentlemanly Bourgeois Botanist Dwarf from the RLD. All his hair fell out, but he's glued it back on while waiting for it to grow back.

Dude Where's My Are?

Gelato, Marceline, Astia, Dulce, Noble, Orphan, and Lancer awoke in the shade of a monumentally tall dryland coral highway overpass. Tethered and grazing nearby were two zombies pushing empty shopping carts, two donkeys (wearing three donkeys' worth of name tags), a truly magnificent camel, and a small-headed rhinobuffalo. During their bender, the group had evidently assembled a caravan of the undead and beasts of varyingly bioengineered burden. Huh. Weird. They weren't missing a dollar of cash they hadn't had the night before. The realization dawned on them that, while it was certainly possible that they had acquired these transports legally (perhaps they won them in a bet?), the much more likely story was that they had walked out on their tab at Pér Slaji.

And stolen a couple thousand dollars cash of transports.

And then they realized that they weren't just a few miles out of town; they had traveled an entire week.

Enter the Goths

Some goth aristo-maidens walked by and asked if anyone needed help. The party was looking pretty rough, in their defense. Marcy took this pointed insult quite personally and lashed out. Had Dulce not stepped in and smoothed things over with his gentlemanly tendencies, a fight very well could've broken out. But a fight didn't break out, and the aristo-maidens left, heading towards a distant landmark with a bunch of cans of spraypaint.

Everyone realized around the same time that none of them had any food. How had they traveled a week without eating? Carried on intoxication alone? Our heroes tried not to think too hard about donkey wearing two separate Donkey Name Tags. After traveling into the Deep Wastes around the Low and High Roads, they returned to their traveler's encampment with enough supplies to last a week or two, which they decided to spend on a trek south towards the Steppe of the Lime Nomads.

The Steppe of the Lime Nomads

After a week's travel, our heroes arrived at a lonely copse of trees under which rested a tent, and a caravan not too far off. Sitting in the tree directly above the tent were seven plump pigeons staring conspicuously at the party as they approached. Dulce was particularly distrusting of these avian agitators, going so far as to speculate whether or not the tent's owner was a Pidgeonmancer. The party decided to give it a wide breadth and hail the caravan instead.

Doing so, they met a family of Lime Nomads take a group of Steppelanders on a pilgrimage to the Spring of the Yellow Water, a sacred site for Steppelanders. The family introduced themselves as Leemon, Layma, Lem, Lim, and Lombo Field, Limon's family! Our heroes spent the evening sharing stories, singing songs, and eating barbecued pigeon over an open fire with the Fields and preparing to accompany them on their pilgrimage in the morning.

[UVG] Session 1 – Into the Grasslands?

Dramatis Personae

• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Unflappably nonchalant 15-year-old now bound in service to a demigod Bonsai Turtle named Glum.
• Gelato "O.G." Kush. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant. Turns into a cyclopic were-swan under the light of the full moon. Canonically still only wearing a labcoat with the front unbuttoned.
• Astia Rudeni. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. Arms and legs growing thinner by the day ever since he swallowed an unlabeled jar of pills.
• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Teenage girl formerly impersonating her father.
• Finn Skyshambler. Greenlander Phytomancer. Spreads the good word of The Great and Powerful Physics as a preacher from the Emerald City.

Payday at Purp U

Having escaped returned safely from the Gardens, the party plotted methods of hiding their Ynnian contraband from the University only to recall that they had been given express permission to keep anything they found as bonus payment for services rendered. They breathed easier as Prof. Leifbrauer arrived to conduct exit interviews regarding their experiences in the anomaly. Marcy told him about the ladybug procession, and Finn shared his suspicion that the gardens were much older than they initially appeared. Limon said, more or less accurately, that a turtle gave him a potted plant to look after. Gelato and Astia mostly made stuff up, though Gelato did eventually surrender his orchid and request it be planted in the greenhouse. Leifbrauer's responses to these false accounts, however, piqued the interest of some party members. After a brief line of questioning he revealed that he had been less than forthright upon meeting everyone: they were the first group to actually return from the anomaly in the 6 weeks since the experiments had begun.

Everyone collected their pay and got the hell out of Purp U, never to return.

3 Short Stories About the Violet City

Limon and Marcy Meet the Green Mage

Limon and Marcy, before leaving the university, had the football-sized pulsating ruby golem heart analyzed only to discover that the technology powering Ynnian Gardener Golems functioned as a primitive facsimile of the power sources of modern-day vechs and autogolems. If they could find someone with the know-how and/or equipment to refine the golem heart, they'd have a valuable power source on their hands. But where to find such a magimechanic? They figured a wizard might know. But where to find such a wizard? They did what any good fantasy adventurers do: asked around town until someone pointed them in the right direction. Lo and behold, they were sent to a tower on the southern end of the city limits. A tower belonging to one Galavar di Verde.

An eternal devotee of decorum and hospitality, Galavar invited Limon and Marcy in for tea the evening they rapt upon his door. Explaining their situation and asking if he had any assistance to provide, Galavar did what any good wizard would do: told them of a Cat Lord in the Last Serai named Pooki who could help, and gave Limon a wide-brimmed wizard hat he was no longer using. It was the cusp of Yellowmonth after all, and we all know how hot it can get traveling the steps in Yellowmonth.

Astia Sells a Spade

Astia scanned the booths at the midtown bazaar, hoping to spot someone who might be in the market for a giant-sized garden spade with its sides sharpened for use as a battle-axe. It wasn't long before he spotted an old crone selling snake oil to people her pet cat (not a Cat Lord, just a normal cat) magically ensorcelled (regular cat). They lost track of time sharing stories of graverobbing and a mutual appreciation of the usefulness of cadavers, but Natega bought Astia's shovel before closing up shop at sundown.

Finn and Gelato Liaise

Gelato led Finn through the streets of the Violet City down to its seedy slums. He was on his way to Pér Slaji, an old haunt of his, and Finn decided to tag along. The bouncer immediately recognized the degenerate Gelato and welcomed him back with open arms, only briefly pretending to "card" Finn before encouraging them to have a good time. Inside, Gelato bumped into three buddies of his from his days in the Hexad Militia, callsigns Noble, Orphan, and Lancer. Gelato showed them his flower with Gary Busey's head, but the Ynnian magic had faded over the past few hours and now it was just a regular rose that only vaguely resembled Gary Busey. Lancer agreed to find a fence for Gelato to make some cash off this Gary Busey flower, but all were distracted as Astia, Marcy, and Limon arrived.

The group shared stories of their adventures around town, and then smoked some drugs laced with Ynnian golem dust. And drank.

And smoked some more.

And drank some more!

And some more.

...And then things got hazy.

[Gardens of Ynn] Session 4 – Return to Purp U.

The Ultraviolet Grasslands-isms here are because I ran Gardens of Ynn as an intro to a UVG campaign, as well as to introduce the players to the system we'd be using: Knave with GLOG classes and some house rules for good measure. It's a messy work in progress.

Dramatis Personae

• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Unflappably nonchalant 15-year-old now bound in service to a demigod in the form of a Bonsai Turtle.
• Gelato "O.G." Kush. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant. Storied climber of upside-down cogs and gears. Turns into a cyclopic were-swan under the light of the full moon.
• Astia Rudeni. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot. Arms and legs growing thinner by the day ever since he swallowed an unlabeled jar of pills.
• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. Teenage girl formerly impersonating her father.

Astia in the Tower of the Peahawks

Blinking in the darkness, Astia Rudeni had no recollection of how or why he was currently rooting around in the pitch black 3rd floor of a frozen tower. (Ynn's weird like that sometimes!) As he threw open a window to get a better look at his surroundings, a great crash from the floor below shook the building. He heard shouts about birds coming from familiar voices outside the tower and acted quickly, pushing a musty old four poster bed over the trapdoor leading downward. Not a moment later the bed jumped, lifted by the weight of an ornery creature slamming the trapdoor into it from below.

With a newfound urgency, Astia sprung into action collecting cloth covers from the dusty repository of old furniture in which he found himself. He fashioned them into a knotted rope and rappelled down the outside of the building to safety.

Astia reunited with Limon, Marceline, and Gelato outside of the tower's hoary demesne. Little did he know, this would not be his only reunion this expedition.

Golem Assault

Following the ladybug parade deeper into the gardens, our heroes came across a burial mound topped with a megalithic structure. Two standing stones supported a third laying atop them, its faces inscribed with stars in formation. Marceline and Astia climbed to the top of the structure, but as they scrambled to their feet, a familiar face emerged from the shrubs circling the clearing. It was 8 feet tall, made of interlocking wooden parts, and wielded a giant, sharpened gardening spade as a battleaxe. The Gardener Golem had returned, and its sights were set on Astia.

The force of the Golem's blow was so powerful that it drove Astia's shield into his ribs, cracking a few. Noticing the plucked flower behind Marceline's ear, it swung its great spade at her as well, slamming her into the stone. Things were looking grim until Gelato took the potted orchid given to him by the Rose Maidens and threatened to drop it off the standing stone. Unable to resist helping a flower in need, the Gardener Golem moved to catch it like an old-timey firefighter. Marceline whipped out a chunk of crystal and began incanting; after a moment, her eyes flung open as napalm began erupting from the focus, engulfing the construct. When the smoke cleared there was nothing left of the Gardener Golem besides a heap of ash and a pulsating ruby the size of a football.

Bruised but not beaten, the party rested.

Mystery a'Mounds

The group made dinner, spread out on top of the standing stones, and slept for the rest of the daylight. (In Ynn, a day is 48 hours; 24 of light, 24 of darkness.) Gelato sprinkled some golem ash into a blunt he was rolling and offered it to Astia; smoking it caused a pair of man-sized butterfly wings to sprout from the Dwarf's back. A bit of experimenting and Astia discovered he could now fly. The group gathered a bunch of golem ash to smoke later, but for the time being something more pressing had arisen: nighttime had come, and there was a full moon in Ynn.

Gelato's grotesque transformation began. He fell to his knees, screaming instructions in desperation as his neck elongated and white feathers erupted from his skin. His two eyes converged while his lips hardened and protruded from his face, becoming a horrifically distended beak. Aghast, the party found themselves in the presence of a berserk, cyclopian were-swan. It shook off its loose-fitting clothes and began squawking and flapping its wings menacingly.

And as if this weren't enough of a curveball, in the light of the full moon, a hallway could now be seen through the standing stones, but only from one direction. The swan-beast formerly known as Gelato bolted in, webbed feet slapping softly against the flagstones. It ran further in than the moonlight revealed, followed by a loud "WHUMPH" ringing out from the darkness. Lighting a lantern, the group entered this extra-dimensional space to find a dazed, but unharmed, were-swan sitting by a closed door.

The Gang Tries Dungeon Delving

Opening the door which dead-ended the mysterious hallway, Limon, Marceline, and Astia faced four statues holding spears in throwing positions. They observed the figures safely from the hallway until their were-swan compatriot ran honking into the room, triggering a trap: the statues hurled their spears at the doorway... sailing harmlessly over the swan's head and directly into its unsuspecting friends. Marceline took the brunt of the blow and nearly bled out on the stone; Astia and Limon helped stabilize her, but where her left ear once was, now only a bloody mess remained.

Opening the next door, which sat between the now-spearless statues, Limon and Astia peered into a cavernously large room; their lantern-light didn't even reach the back walls. Astia decided to carefully scout the room by fluttering around with the lantern (taking care not to step on the ground). Clumsily circling the room while acclimating to his new appendages, Astia observed a door on each wall, and a gargantuan statue with two fingers outstretched from a hand on its extended arm. It stood on a circular base set into the floor slightly. Not wanting to explore further without the rest of the party, Astia returned to the antechamber and was blasted in the back with a bolt of searing flame from the statue's fingertips.

Limon did his best to treat Astia's smoldering arm to no avail. In the end, all Astia's companions could do was pray he'd survive the injury. Against all odds, he pulled through. Everyone agreed it was time to leave the Gardens.

Back to the Copse

Searching for an exit brought the party to a burbling fountain. The Gelato-swan flew in and preened itself while the others debated the risks and rewards of stealing some of the coins they saw glinting in the crystal-clear water. In the end, Limon took one. Nothing happened.

They traveled along a path between a low hedge which eventually brought them under an impossibly wide glass canopy (with no visible walls or supports, at that). Under this glass ceiling grew every kind of rose imaginable. Marceline replaced the bloodsoaked orchid in her hair with a neat polka-dotted rose blossom. Another was plucked that shared an uncanny likeness with Gary Busey. But the big kahuna crowned a house-sized tangle of thorns and bushes and vines: a rose with petals black as the night's sky. It was going to be a dangerous and painful climb through the tangled of thorns to get there, so Astia instead fluttered up to the top and plucked it. It smelled sweet—good enough to eat, even. So he did! (It permanently increased his HP by 1.)

Through the other end of this rose garden, the hedges continued until all but Astia saw a familiar sight. They arrived behind the mausoleum that had awaited them upon first entering the Gardens. Sure enough, in front of the white marble building was a wrought iron lamppost, candle lit within. A quick trip along a game path brought them back to the vine-covered brick wall with an iron-banded door still slightly ajar. One by one they exited the gardens, returning to the Purple University's Astrobiology Department Greenhouse.

But What About Our Stuff?

Gelato reverted immediately, and, lying naked on the floor of the greenhouse, was offered a labcoat. He graciously accepted, politely declining all requests to button up the front afterwards.

A beetle was sent for Doktor Leifbrauer, who was currently holding office hours. In the meantime our heroes huddled, brainstorming ways to keep what contraband they had smuggled out of the Ynnian anomaly. They would have until Leifbrauer's debriefing to come up with a way to maintain their hard-earned gains.

[Gardens of Ynn] Session 3 – Wherein Plants Are Acquired

The Ultraviolet Grasslands-isms here are because I ran Gardens of Ynn as an intro to a UVG campaign, as well as to introduce the players to the system we'd be using: Knave with GLOG classes and some house rules for good measure. It's a messy work in progress.

Dramatis Personae

• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Fled to the Yellowlands during a great drought where he trained as a showfighter in a traveling circus.
• Marceline Chaiya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. A trained Black Gold industrialist from a clan of coffee-middlemen. Recently revealed to be a teenage girl in disguise.
• Gelato "O.G." Kush. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant. Booted from his squad upon discovery that he experiments with drugs. Storied climber of upside-down cogs and gears.
• Dulce. Mononymous Bourgeois Botanist Dwarf from the Red Land District (RLD). Hails from the cloistered Warwick Cove, and excels in knowledge of Oldtech and gentlemanly manners.
• Yesen il'Aravat. Oroblanco Steppelander General of the Machine-Hunters' Union. Insists gravity is a finite resource and frequently advises against its expenditure (climbing, jumping, etc).

An Auspicious Meeting

Enter Dolce and Yesen, both still stuck in this anomalous garden from previous, failed excursions. Evidence pointing to Prof. Leifbrauer bending the truth regarding to mission success rates mounts. Yesen il'Aravat found himself stranded in the bizarre upside-down cog jungle gym adjacent to the now-inaccessible hedge maze our heroes discovered previously. Suspended above an endless blue sky, the Steppelander encountered Gelato delightedly galavanting about the turning gears. The two met up and navigated their way over to a shadowy amphitheater where Dolce was seated, watching a days-long puppet show. It turned out that rust-colored bees manned these puppets, and upon their play's rude interruption, stung the interlopers in their sternums, melting them into goopy wax instantly.

Meanwhile, at the Statuary

Marceline and Limon were composing themselves after surviving a rusty bee attack when the hive housed in the nearby bisected statue began to drip goop. This goop shaped itself into humanoid form and before long Gelato, Dolce, and Yesen stood face-to-face to the citrus nomads. Reunited with their degenerate pal OG (who found a Ynnian pocketwatch in the deep, wax-filled cavity left in his chest) the party decided to get their bearings by climbing something tall. They headed into a dark wood bordering the statuary.

Limon volunteered to climb a tree and see what was nearby. He began ascending a large tree and it was half an hour before the rest of the group realized he was not coming back down. Halfway up the trunk of this fractally expansive evergreen, Limon met an obstinate caterpillar the size of an anaconda who cryptically advised him that, whichever way you choose to go, going long enough will lead you somewhere in Ynn. Limon thanked the caterpillar (who claimed he didn't have a name but later was revealed to be Jeremy) and went on his way.

At the "Top" of the Tree

Unaware (but hopeful) that the rest of the party were on their way, Limon explored an abandoned kennel. You see, after climbing the tree for the better part of an hour, he found himself actually only a dozen or so feet off the ground—different ground than where he had started. When climber extraordinaire Gelato Kush arrived ahead of everyone else, Limon was halfway through stripping a corpse of its set of chainmail armor, donning it himself. The two heard a crashing (like logs falling off the back of an 18-wheeler like in Final Destination 2) through the nearby hedges and snuck off to take a peek.

What they found was a turtle the size of a cottage with a bonsai tree growing atop its shell lumbering through the hedges. This towering reptile, a bonsai tortoise by the name of Glum, seemed annoyed with Limon for wearing armor stolen off of a previous one of his "pets," but offered to allow him to keep it in exchange for becoming a new pet. Limon accepted, and Glum lifted a tree trunk leg to reveal a bonsai tree sprouting from the ground. He instructed Limon to take the tree with him, care for it, and to do as he is told when called upon. Unbeknownst to Limon, he had just agreed to a pact with a demigod.

Acquiring More Plants

With the party all gathered together once again, they pressed on past the kennels to a tranquil area dotted with greenhouses. Etched into the entrances to each house was an orchid, and through the glass panels everyone could see rows of orchids growing. Dolce pruned some orchid petals while Marceline plucked a flower to wear in her hair and Yesen searched for gardening equipment. While they plundered, Gelato followed some strange-looking tracks that lead towards a lake.

Gelato heard singing. Carefully, he approached the source of the tune and discovered five creatures, vaguely human in shape but comprised of twisted, woven-together rose bushes and with great rose blossoms in the place of heads. He and the rosebush creatures exchanged pleasantries and headed back to the orchid houses. They stated that they—called the Rose Maidens—maintained the orchid houses, and welcomed all to rest on their grounds if tired. The group declined their offer, growing increasingly worried that these flowers' keepers would discover their flower-tampering. Gelato asked for an orchid of his own, which the Rose Maidens agreed to on the condition that when his travels ended, he plant it wherever he calls home.

Marceline insisted that she retrieve the pot and spade for Gelato's orchid, and thus the maidens discovered no wrongdoing. Oblivious to the party's crimes against flowerkind, the caretakers sent everyone off in the direction of a grand procession of ladybugs.

The Frozen Tower

The procession was delightful; there were ladybugs as far as the eye could see, marching ever onward through the gardens. Everyone followed the little bugs, taking great care where they tread, until they were lead to a tower. From a distance, the tower had an odd, glistening quality. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed to be encased in an inches-thick casing of ice. Concerned for the health of their respective plants, Gelato and Limon opted to "stand guard" outside the tower while Marceline, Yesen, and Dolce ventured forth.

The cold bit into the ill-prepared adventurers fiercely inside the frozen tower. (Every turn they spent inside dealt 1hp of damage to them.) A force from within the only free-standing bookshelf called out to Marceline, nearly compelling her to thaw it. She resisted the impulse, but then decided to spend however long it would take to thaw the shelf and find the source of her own volition. Dolce and Yesen decided that was bad news and ascended the staircase in the back up to the tower's next floor: a giant bird's nest.

A homely, plump fledgling immediately bonded with Yesen after emerging from behind a pile of unhatched eggs. As the two searched through the nest area, Marceline finished thawing the shelf (finding a spellbook) and the "guards" saw two large, angry-looking birds flying towards the open window to the tower's second floor. Limon and Gelato called out to their companions, giving them just enough time to find hiding places before a pair of vicious-looking peacocks burst into the nest in defense of their baby.

[Gardens of Ynn] Session 2 – Lost in Ynn

The Ultraviolet Grasslands-isms here are because I ran Gardens of Ynn as an intro to a UVG campaign, as well as to introduce the players to the system we'd be using: Knave with GLOG classes and some house rules for good measure. It's a messy work in progress.

Dramatis Personae

• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Fled to the Yellowlands during a great drought where he trained as a showfighter in a traveling circus.
• "Mercutio Coffeeya" Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. A trained Black Gold industrialist from a clan of coffee-middlemen. Has a secret.
• Astia Rudeni. Dwarf Decapolitan Ambassador Biomancer. Learned Flesh-crafting at the Cobalt Ziggu-Rot where he was later appointed Ambassador, as a Dwarf holds higher standing in the Decapolis than the degenerate Bluelanders.

A Routine Trade Visit

On a regular, perfectly normal trade mission to the Purple University, Astia and a handful of Bluelander lackeys found themselves roped into an expedition. You see, cadavers don't come cheap, and the Ziggu-Rot's coffers aren't exactly overflowing. So in exchange for a few wheelbarrows full of dead bodies, Astia and crew agreed to explore an extra-dimensional anomaly.

Everything Was Going Fine Until They All Died

Whereas Finn, OG, Limon, and Mercutio had entered through the doorway into a copse of trees by a mausoleum, Astia and crew were deposited into an herb garden. Deciding it was best not to touch anything, they ventured forth and stumbled upon a gazebo within which rested a brazier. So long as a fire burned in this brazier, nothing could enter the gazebo without their permission, so they burned firewood to keep out the gnats and bats as they slept. This evidently irked a nearby Gardener Golem whose twisted, hulking form of interlocking petrified wood lumbered up and slashed one of the Bluelanders' throats with a giant, sharpened trowel. The others, including Astia, fled the scene, running blindly deeper into the Gardens.

Enter Limon and Mercutio

The two Steppelanders found themselves stranded in the floating cemetery on hovering, individual grave plots, inexplicably separated from Finn and OG. Hopping from plot to plot over the infinite, yawning blue abyss, they came across Astia, at the time engrossed in deciphering the ancient language comprising the tombstones' epitaphs. On a solid-land cliff opposite Astia rested a 10-foot-tall person made of wood sitting in a meditative pose and clutching a great, sharpened trowel. The Gardener Golem had followed Astia to the floating graveyard and now moved only to clear the occasional weeds or detritus from the Gardens. After a brief yet risky inspection of the golem, Limon decided it was best to leave the thing alone and try to find a different way back to the door (as they were all now thoroughly lost). The newly-formed group traveled elseways to a new destination.

The Shooting Range

They arrived at a finely manicured lawn with stakes driven into one end. Tied to these stakes were human skeletons, killed by gun or crossbow fire judging from the injuries. At the other end of this range, curiously, was a black, wrought iron lamppost. It was identical to the lamppost in the clearing at the mausoleum, but its candle was lit this time. Limon and Mercutio had little time to scratch their heads at this, however, as from the nearby shrubs emerged three beasts with the bodies and faces of wolves but the heads, necks, and antlers of elk. The two elk-wolves in front parted to reveal the third limping, with blood matted to the fur of its leg.

The group managed to keep the aberrant animals calm while extracting what turned out to be a rose vine from the injured one's front leg. Its thorns had grown long and worm-like, reaching deep within the elk-wolf, not unlike Chancellor Kevin's warning. Astia tasted the blood of this creature and confirmed it was a chimera, though in addition to elk and wolf, there was a third type of blood that couldn't be so easily identified. On a whim, Limon asked if the creatures could help them find their way back to the entrance, and with a knowing nod, the elk-wolves lead the party off-trail through the woods to a statuary.

Bees in the Trap

The elk-wolf chimera left, refusing to enter the rows of meticulously sculpted marble statues in the style of antiquity. Flowers of tarnished silver grew naturally here, adding an ethereal beauty to contrast the pained, anguished, and horrified expressions of a disconcerting number of these statues. Weary of boring old statues of conventionally attractive, physically fit men and women, our heroes sought out an unconventional likeness, and after scanning dozens of rows, found one: a corpulent man with an engorged member, face immortalized in an expression combining fear and happiness. Further inspection reveal the statue was hollow, so they smashed it and out poured bees!

Angry as hell, the bees attacked, but not before the soporific effect of their hive's wax took effect: Mercutio's meticulous disguise melted away, revealing that he had been Marceline, a 16-year-old girl, the entire time! Limon bashed with a dagger-axe, Astia flung arrows of acid from their flesh-toaster, Marceline loosed arrows of normal from her bow, and before too long the apian adversaries had been annihilated.

Shocked and exhausted, the trio set up camp to prepare for the Ynnian half-day "night."

[Gardens of Ynn] Session 1 – Into the Gardens

The Ultraviolet Grasslands-isms here are because I ran Gardens of Ynn as an intro to a UVG campaign, as well as to introduce the players to the system we'd be using: Knave with GLOG classes and some house rules for good measure. It's a messy work in progress.

Dramatis Personae

• Gelato "O.G." Kush. Mutant Quarter-Ling Hexad Enforcer Militant. Booted from his squad upon discovery that he experiments with drugs (and turns into a were-swan in the light of the full moon).
• Limon Field. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Fled to the Yellowlands during a great drought where he trained as a showfighter in a traveling circus.
• Finn Skyshambler. Greenlander Phytomancer. Spreads the good word of The Great and Powerful Physics as a preacher from the Emerald City.
• Mercutio Coffeeya Grove. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander Coffee-maker. A trained Black Gold industrialist from a clan of coffee-middlemen.

A Notice in Charming Square

Our adventure began with our heroes gathered around a notice board in the Violet City's Charming Square. A listing posted by researchers at the Purple University sought volunteers to explore a recently discovered anomaly. While contemplating taking this gig or investigating an ancient tower from the Long Long Ago rumored to attract Vomes and contain the resting place of a great warrior, they met Chancellor Kevin. A kindly old man, Chancellor offered them useful information, such as that Vomes have nasty worms that wriggle inside you, and that plants have nasty worms that wriggle inside you too. The group rudely refused to compensate him for his efforts and headed to Purp U.

At the University

Continuing their rude antics, Mercutio berated a receptionist at the towering structure of higher education for being a cog in the capitalist machine until the message beetle summoned Professor Doktor Leifbrauer. The good Doktor and his research assistants explained what was expected of the motley crue: enter the anomaly, explore, record any interesting findings, report back within 24 hours. Provided with supplies, the group was shown the anomaly: a brick wall overgrown with ivy, parted so that a door could be drawn on in chalk, inscribed with the phrase

"Ynn, by way of the Purple University."

Professor Doktor asked everyone to face away from the door, and as soon as it had ceased to be observed, the anomaly manifested. In the place of the chalk drawing was an oaken door with brass fittings, and opening it lead to a copse of trees in far-off land. Or, perhaps, another reality altogether!

The Gardens of Ynn

A game trail wound through the copse of trees, leading to a mausoleum bordered by finely manicured gardens and hedges. Atop the white marble mausoleum stood a statue of an elf; in the clearing leading up to it, a wrought-iron lamp post with an unlit candle. Limon climbed the lamp to light the candle, and from his changed vantage point noticed an exit through the hedges hidden via optical illusion at the ground level. Stepping through this exit lead the group into a hedge maze, which Finn attempted to talk his way through. The hedges allowed it, but warned him that the group forcing their way through the maze could attract unwanted attention.

They continued navigating the maze until finding it exited into a hanging garden of ancient rotating clockwork gears. OG being a natural climber found himself able to Charlie Chaplin his way through the machinery with ease, even helping to rescue Finn whose hand became stuck, crushed by great, grinding gears. The hanging cogs dropped our heroes off onto a pocket of floating grave plots, each a clump of dirt spaced a few feet apart, marked with a tombstone, and suspended in the yawning blue sky.