Dramatis Personae
- Astia. D.W.A.R.F. Decapolitan Biomancer Ambassador. Fast friends with the world's greatest Fleshcrafter.
- Marcy. Grapefruit nomad Steppelander. Amateur camel matchmaker, furniture fight emcee.
- Finn. Greenlander Phytomancer Emerald City Preacher. Body-slammed an armoire.
- Limon. Lime nomad Steppelander climate migrant. Bound in servitude to a demigod Bonsai Turtle named Glum.
The Negotiation That Went Poorly
Marcy and Finn sat at the bar of the Giving Cow, the former filling in the latter on the stakes of the upcoming meeting. Astia was a negotiator by trade, but he was on his way to a club in the Harmonium called Gentle Whisper in order to keep mercenary group The Dangerous Ballad busy for the evening. The teens ran over their relevant knowledge:
- They found two skeletons with fleshy worm-vines in the cupboard of their hostel room.
- Marcy saw worm-vines in the aftermath of her barista's "static overload" incident.
- Black Helmet 60-plurality denied the existence of any such creatures.
- The orange Satrap 57 confirmed that no mention of worm-vines was made in BH60-P's report of the incident.
- Underneath the Final Embassy, the atmosphere was humid and the smell of plant magic suffused the building.
- Satrap 57 took great umbrage at the unspoken suggestion that dark phytomancy took place in the Final Embassy's basement and pleaded with our heroes not to go to BH60-P with their evidence.
There was also their goal to consider: the group will be heading further westward soon, which inevitably involves moving closer to Spectrum Satrap seats of power. So they wanted to blackmail(?) the Satraps, but in a manner that wouldn't harm their potential relationship with the faction. Astia paid the hefty $10 cover charge to get into the club with the cadre of mercenaries unaware that he himself is the bounty they seek. Satrap 57 arrived at the Giving Cow.
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| RAW SEWAGE |
RAW SEWAGE, the Giving Cow's Dwarf Biomancer bartender and owner hadn't intended to eavesdrop on Marcy and Finn's conversation, but through pure proximity had absorbed enough to understand that these kids were in some kind of serious trouble. They moved to a booth once their guest arrived, but even half the bar away, he could tell things were not going well.
Then, inspiration struck.
Whoever this orange guy was, he was threatening RAW SEWAGE's friends (probably, or something), so RAW SEWAGE sabotaged some milk and sent it his way. From over the Satrap's shoulder he indicated that the milk was drugged to the best of his ability. He was confident Marcy and Finn understood, but knew for sure that they couldn't confirm mid-conversation. It'd be too suspicious. So he sauntered back over to his station and waited. Sure enough, Satrap 57 took a couple slurps of the white stuff and was face-down on the table moments later.
After the commotion made by Finn and Marcy's surprised, panicked reactions RAW SEWAGE offered to hog tie the satrap, but the teens had a better idea. They would take him back to their hostel room, Finn would run and grab Astia from the club, and they would trick Satrap 57 into thinking he'd simply partied too hard in celebration of a successful negotiation. It was air-tight!
A Master Class in Burning Bridges
After hauling Satrap 57 up to the hostel Weekend at Bernie's style—miraculously raising no suspicion along the way—Finn ran to the Harmonium while Marcy waited in case 57 woke up earlier than expected. The Greenlander raced through the cramped hallways of the serais arriving at Gentle Hush to find the Dangerous Ballad playing a game involving digging coins into the table. The losers had minor cosmetic features swapped around by Astia's flesh-stitching magic. Finn breathlessly explained the situation to Astia, cleverly disinteresting the mercs by explaining away Astia's required absence as pertaining to teenage romantic drama between Marcy and Limon. In need of alcohol to plant on the satrap, Astia bought a bottle of Karma Joose from the club (at a disgustingly inflated price), sneakily putting it on Jimmy the Shark's tab before ditching him and his goons for the night.
The two made it back with minutes to spare before RAW SEWAGE's drugs were expected to wear off. Limon had shown up at some point with the same aloof demeanor he always wore, either unaware or uncaring of the peril at hand. Ah, youth... Anyway, Astia and Marcy splashed the drug-infused alcohol on their unconscious guest and rubbed a little on his imbibing tube. He awoke understandably confused. They told Satrap 57 their planned lie: the negotiation had gone so well that they had decided to toast to a beautiful new friendship. One thing lead to another and, well, here he is in an unfamiliar hostel with no recollection of the entire last night's event (they lied about it being a day later to him despite only a couple hours having gone by). You see, Karma Joose is kinda like Goldschläger, except instead of gold flakes it features a suspension of karma dust, a drug (and valuable trade good!) that induces amnesia; it's essentially a party-drink for people whose intention is to not remember the night. Satrap 57 was incredulous to say the least that he would intentionally order such a drink after an event that's pretty important he remember. Despite Astia's encouragement, he excused himself from their hostel and headed back to his quarters in the Satraps' serai.
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| Is this what those things look like?? God I hope not |
Finn had another chat with the fleshy worm-vines while everyone figured out their next step, asking about the master, the "mind-burned thief," and the whereabouts of their origin. Possessing no sense of sight, the best the plants could offer was that the mind-burned thief "tastes of rosewater and smells of wet."
Less than confident in their plan's execution, our heroes decided to find someplace else to crash for the night at the Buried Delicatessen.
Aftermath and a Return to Scooby Doo Stuff
While Astia studied the Skull of Rot with Anise and Basil instructed Limon on how to properly categorize and sort body parts, Marcy and Finn decided to check on RAW SEWAGE. He'd shut down the Giving Cow after the incident, and no one had heard from him since. They got his address from Anise and paid him a visit.
Arriving at the depressing quarters, Marcy and Finn found themselves in a cramped drycoral hallways and staring at a flimsy, thin, wooden door. No light could be seen under the door (there were no windows, as the apartment's underground) and if RAW SEWAGE was home, he wasn't responding to their calls. Finn used a metal fingernail to pick the lock, and the two entered the darkened abode. To the right, a door laid open—just a crack—leading into a darkened room. Marcy pushed the door fully open from a safe enough distance to narrowly avoid the bucket of acid balanced atop it, but still found herself in the sights of R.S.'s rifle. He gave Marcy to the count of five to prove she was who she said she was (Spectrum Satraps are powerful illusionists, according to him) before he'd open fire.
They satisfied his standard of rigor by shouting about how he winked at them from over the Satrap's shoulder, something their shared adversary couldn't have known. He invited them to crash at his place, which was a boon to all as Marcy's lack of sleep requirement allowed her to keep watch all night while the others slept. Eventually Astia and Limon got worried and regrouped, having to jump through similar hoops to satisfy the increasingly paranoid Dwarf milk-slinger.
Everyone headed back up to the surface mid-day to further investigate the mind-burned thief who tastes of rosewater and smells of wet. When they arrived at the hostel they found their shared room's door kicked in and off its hinges. Opening their skeleton cupboard, Finn found his phytomantic friends fried, laser guns by the look of it. Sleeping elsewhere that night had been a wise choice after all. Everyone asked around the bazaar for anyone selling and/or buying rosewater; when they found their man, they learned that his biggest buyer was none other than Lacquer Stone 4-body... Black Helmet 60-plurality's boss.
Could this be the answer they sought?
Will they discover the identity and motivations of the mind-burned thief?
IS dark phytomancy actually being practiced beneath the Final Embassy?
Should the party just dip set and get the fuck out of this place while they still can??
Some or all of these answers and more, next time on UVG.
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